“I’m not very good at setting boundaries.”
“I don’t know how to communicate my boundaries.”
“I’ve never set a boundary before.”
“I don’t want to have to deal with conflict.”
These are things I commonly hear when coaching people and if you’re saying the same things now – you’re in the right place! We are going to tackle these topics throughout this course.
But the truth is, whether you’re aware of it or not you are always setting and communicating your boundaries in some way. Not communicating a boundary is a form of communication in itself because you are still signalling to others what standards of behaviour you accept.
If you don’t define your own boundaries, others will define them for you.
Watch: How Boundaries Make Space for Sweet Things in Life (12 mins) – Yasmine Cheyenne
You will be at different stages of boundary setting in different areas of your life. There will be boundaries you uphold without even thinking about it and boundaries you have established that are already having a positive impact on your life.
Example:
Here’s an example of how establishing boundaries in my work has benefited me.
When I first became self-employed and would have 1:1 calls with coaching clients, I would schedule them across Monday – Friday because I was scared that I would lose out if I wasn’t always available. The consequence? I was stressed and drained because I didn’t have clear time to switch off, and my productivity suffered because I didn’t have larger gaps of time in the day to get my head into more creative work.
Now I only have client meetings on Mondays, Tuesdays and Friday mornings. The consequence? I feel more energised, more in control and more able to give my best self to work, which means other people also get my best!
Stop and Reflect:
Looking at the list of different types of boundaries (below is a reminder). Reflect on what is working well and answer the following questions:
- What boundaries have I already established?
- What’s working well already?
- What positive impact have those established boundaries had on my life?
Apply Your Thinking:
Bring to mind the boundary (or theme of boundaries) you want to work on during this course.
Consider what would you gain by making a change in this area? Use the examples below to help guide you.
Example 1:
Perhaps you recognise that being a supportive friend is something that’s important to you but that you are giving a lot of time and energy to a particular friend without feeling like you are supported in return and you feel some resentment growing. If you decided to take a step back and prioritise your own needs, what positive impact would that have on your life?
Example 2:
Perhaps you recognise you are feeling under pressure to spend money on nights out or dinner with friends that is pushing you beyond your means. If you decided to establish some boundaries around money, what what change in your life?